Summer equinox is almost here and whether you’re single or a hot divorcée like myself, this summer is about curating a life well styled, vibrating high, sidequest adventures, staying unbothered and looking incredible no matter what this season brings.
But before summer fun fully kicks off, I have a timely dating story I feel compelled to share.
I recently dipped my toe back into the dating pool and matched with someone who checked every box for a summer lover. He was handsome, charming, attentive, and chivalrous and our chemistry was undeniable. After being married and divorced from Mr. Cellophane, I longed for a confident man who led with presence and handled all aspects of planning and executing a proper date from how they interacted with the restaurant staff to making sure everything was handled all on their own. But…as magnetic as our first date was, the red flags were there. He was instantly making “we plans” for the rest of the week, was too heavy on the PDA and his stories had inconsistencies that didn’t logically add up.
Then came a series of unfortunate events: a disappearing dating profile claiming that he no longer needed to be on there as he had met me, last minute cancellations on his suggested big plans of going to a World Cup game, vague whispered phone calls followed by him saying “I’ll call you later” to whoever was on the other end or his call and a sudden invitation to fly to another state to see him. All of this led to a quick LinkedIn search as the one thing he definitely did not lie about was his full name. And in just 48 hours after our first date, LinkedIn confirmed what my gut already had started to suspect: he was a married man. The very same man who stated he was single and never married was wearing a wedding band in almost every professional photo. He literally had a whole life he hadn’t mentioned and outright lied to me on our date.
So while summer equinox is still a week away, let’s tap into being confident and grounded while dating and to not squander our heads, hearts, and self worth over foolish folks like him aka The Lügenbaron (lying German). Here are my five confidence boosting lessons on having a hot single summer where you can be casual without being careless and self-respect always comes in first.
1. His Failures in Dating Are Not Your Rejection
The Lügenbaron lies weren’t life-altering and it didn’t shake my confidence for a second. A man’s dishonesty says nothing about my value and everything about his character. I am still an amazing, magnetic woman and his lie simply confirmed I needed better data before investing further. Take the lesson in self-trust and keep it moving.
2. Actions Are Character
My favorite stoic, Marcus Aurelius, drops life gems and has little patience for performance. In his book, Meditations, he argues that character is revealed not in declarations but in decisions — small ones, repeated over time. The cancellations, the story inconsistencies, the lies of omissions are all data points. The charm, the compliments and the grand invitation mean nothing when the actions fail. When someone’s words and actions are in conflict, believe the actions every single time.
3. You Set the Standard
I love being pampered, princess-treated and romanced but no fancy dinner or plane ticket is worth my dignity or time. His offer of travel may appear romantic, but are secretly a form of control in disguise. When you know your worth and love yourself deeply, the decision is simple. You don’t agonize. You recognize the cost of your presence is valuable and I decline.
4. Centered Women Don’t Chase Crumbs
You cannot control whether someone shows up, tells the truth or honors their word. You can only control whether you keep showing up for yourself. The moment we outsource our happiness for someone else’s attention from refreshing messages, waiting by the phone, replaying every conversation, we’ve lost the plot. This person is still a stranger. After all, all dating is full of uncertainty while we learn more about the other person. What isn’t uncertain is how you show up in actions and not fall for breadcrumbs.
5. Amor Fati — Love What Happens
Amor fati — love of fate — is the radical act of embracing everything that has happened to you as necessary to who you are becoming. Every relationship, every marriage, every dating misstep brings you closer to real love. And honestly? It makes a great story for my book.
A FINAL WORD
To anyone navigating dating this summer: trust the unease. Do the search. Ask the direct question. You don’t owe anyone the benefit of the doubt at the expense of your own clarity. Self-respect isn’t about being suspicious of everyone — it’s about listening to yourself first, always and enjoying the ride.
